My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
