My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
