I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
