the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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