just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
