I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Randomize
