Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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