I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
