hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
