cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
