You can't special order awesome
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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