We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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