thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
