2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I don't deserve a penis
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
