What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
