Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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