the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
no you cant smoke seaweed
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
