i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
