My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
