i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
