So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
