So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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