I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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