I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
