have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize