it wasn't lemon gatorade
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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