I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
