It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
