I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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