did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
