david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
