What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
