My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
