He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
smell my finger.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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