I wish my penis had an off switch
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
where are you?
Hypothermia
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
