Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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