I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
