He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
