too bad you live with your parents still
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
