are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
