Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
It's just like the Real World with babies
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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