I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
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I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
