i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
