i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
