try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
