Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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