i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
