The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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