and she was petting her beer can
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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