my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize