Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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