I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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