its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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