Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
