ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
