yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
