you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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