Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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