quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
where are you?
Hypothermia
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
