There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
