Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
