Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
