I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
