1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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