I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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