Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
