i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize