This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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