DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
